it’s easy to give advice…but so hard to take it.
why is that?
lately…i have been struggling with finding the greater good…the bigger picture. instead of what i should be thankful for…i am cursing all that consumes me now.
and i don’t like myself.
i haven’t read anything enlighting. i haven’t read at all. i try and stay with my one-year bible…but i can’t.
and makes me feel guilty.
i envy those who seek a greater purpose. i envy those who think and explore and can be still.
i know i have a greater purpose…a greater good. but i am too tired to invest my time in something that requires more than answers from a grade book.
but i do love God. is this enough?
i don’t think he calls us to a life that doesn’t have room for him. does he understand i will be right back? does he understand that i love him, and try to serve him…but right now…i can’t find the time?
why is it like this?
did i make these choices? am i choosing an earthly existence and personal gain over an intimate relationship with my maker?
is this ok for now?
i help teach children to obey and love God. their innocence astounds me. they try to do what is right…and then are repentant and sincere when the stumble.
and i am blessed with authenticity. i know it. and i know i need more…and it shows.
so those who have the opportunity for more…i envy you.
i hope someday soon..you and i will be able to share in this together, so for now…
i will pray for you. it’s all i can give right now. but please share what you are reading…experiencing.
cause things will be getting better. soon.