the untitled post.

it’s easy to give advice…but so hard to take it.

why is that?

lately…i have been struggling with finding the greater good…the bigger picture. instead of what i should be thankful for…i am cursing all that consumes me now.

and i don’t like myself.

i haven’t read anything enlighting. i haven’t read at all. i try and stay with my one-year bible…but i can’t.

and makes me feel guilty.

i envy those who seek a greater purpose. i envy those who think and explore and can be still.

i know i have a greater purpose…a greater good. but i am too tired to invest my time in something that requires more than answers from a grade book.

but i do love God. is this enough?

i don’t think he calls us to a life that doesn’t have room for him. does he understand i will be right back? does he understand that i love him, and try to serve him…but right now…i can’t find the time?

why is it like this?

did i make these choices? am i choosing an earthly existence and personal gain over an intimate relationship with my maker?

is this ok for now?

i help teach children to obey and love God. their innocence astounds me. they try to do what is right…and then are repentant and sincere when the stumble.

and i am blessed with authenticity. i know it. and i know i need more…and it shows.

so those who have the opportunity for more…i envy you.

i hope someday soon..you and i will be able to share in this together, so for now…

i will pray for you. it’s all i can give right now. but please share what you are reading…experiencing.

cause things will be getting better. soon.

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3 thoughts on “the untitled post.

  1. it was good to talk to you last night i met a prostitute after and she made me sad! atleast you are not addicted to heroin and a prostitute…life gets worse i guess

  2. I prayed for you and asked for some words to share. For the last few weeks I keep coming back to Ecclesiastes. There isn’t something I can just pull out and say, here’s your answer but the whole thing gives me encouragement. The Lord says the greatest is love and if you love him then you’ll follow him. He knows exactly where you’re at and where you’re going and what’s in your heart, be honest with him and yourself. Evaluation is a big thing for me. Take a few minutes and think about the things you’re undertaking. Is there something you could give up? What’s really important to you? Don’t feel burdened, give it up! I love you so much dear Amanda and will be praying for you!

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