the moving truck came today. that’s great. except we can’t move around any where! we can’t even walk. can someone tell me where to begin? please? or anyone looking for a break to come do it for me? he he…
texas…or should i say houston..is treating us grand. houston does not feel like texas. or what i thought texas would be like. it is cooling off now…it’s only 90 degrees today. not too bad.
i started my new job last week. i am co-teaching for a kids day out program. it’s been fine. i am quickly becoming trained in early childhood. a good form of birth control i tell you.
i haven’t been able to see a doctor since i’ve been here…and i stopped taking my supplements. actually i stopped about 3 weeks ago. i ran out of the “good stuff” and i haven’t been able to replace it yet. i bought a higher milligram on our honeymoon but it was making me really sick…so i stopped. i haven’t had any really bad days…hopefully i won’t…it will be nice to finally see a doctor and become “normal”. the worse of it yet…bad moods come on without notice and i can’t get out of them. then poor jasen and to sit and wondering what he did wrong. but it wasn’t him. it usually isn’t.
i guess i can steam these “mood adjustments” from my thoughts. just like dr henslin said. i usually start thinking of my friends..and how they have moved on without me. and i can’t get it out of my head. i know i could solve these problems by just making a few phone calls…but i can’t seem to dial. my thoughts continuously lead me to believe people are mad at me…and they don’t care. and everybody loves jasen and i’s just “her”.
“good christians” would tell me “satan has a foothold of your brain.” and if i didn’t go through my testing i would have believed it to be true. but i know better now. it’s more than that.
most days i am fine…but lately i am so insecure. insecure jasen is loved and i am forgotten. is it true? no. but these are the thought which have consumed my mind…my life most recently.
have i been terrible? i am so sorry if i have. i have a million thank yous…and ten million IOU’s. i can’t repay them. so all of you…you know who you are. and i know you care for me…that is why you did it. but why can’t i be normal and remember.
so there it is: insecurities 101.
i know i don’t deserve it…but will you help remind me sometimes when i forget?