OC Barbies

shout out to allie…thanks for the email!

Mattel recently announced the release of Limited-Edition O.C. dolls for
the Southern California market:

Irvine Barbie:
This princess Barbie is only sold at The Irvine Spectrum. She comes with
an assortment of Louis Vuitton handbags, a Lexus SUV, a toy dog named
Honey, and a cookie-cutter house. Available with or without tummy tuck
and face lift. Workaholic Ken sold only in conjunction with “augmented”
version.

Orange Barbie:
This modern-day homemaker Barbie is available with Ford Windstar minivan
and white silhouette stickers of family members on the rear window.
Known as a “soccer mom” she gets lost easily and has no full time
occupation or secondary education. Has PTA membership and comes with
Tupperware accessories. Cell phone sold separately.

Garden Grove Barbie:
In addition to perfect English, this Barbie also speaks fluent Japanese,
Chinese, Mandarin and Tagalog. Comes with her own street-racing import
car, complete with Japanese animation decals.
Large collection of video games sold separately. Careers or homes for
this Barbie are not available, because she will stay with her parents
until they die. If you purchase a Ken doll, he must move into her
family’s home and wait for their inheritance.

Buena Park Barbie:
This recently paroled former “Porn Actress” Barbie comes with a 9mm
handgun, a Ray Lewis knife, a Chevy with dark tinted windows, and a meth
lab kit.
This model is only available after dark and can only be paid for in
cash.

Tustin Ranch Barbie:
This yuppie Blond Barbie comes with your choice of a convertible
Mercedes AMG55 or a Cadillac Escalade. Included are her own Starbucks
cup, credit card, and Curves membership. Comes also with Giorgio Armani
fragrance, Gucci bag and Kate Spade sunglasses. Additional options for
this set are Shallow Ken and Private School Skipper. (You won’t be able
to afford any of them).

Yorba Linda Barbie:
This brunette Barbie is the sister to Tustin Ranch Barbie and comes with
or without highlights. She comes with a BMW convertible or Hummer
H2, Kenneth Cole Sunglasses, a Country Club Membership, and a Pier 1
credit line.
Options for Yorba Linda Barbie are the Shiseido makeup kit; the Bvlgari
jewelry set, or the Prada shoe collection. Yorba Linda Barbie has
optional yuppie Ken doll complete with Corvette, hair gel and Rolex
watch.

Newport Beach Barbie:
This collagen injected, rhinoplastic Barbie wears a Yves Saint Laurent
leopard print bikini outfit and drinks cosmopolitans while entertaining
friends at the beach house. Percocet prescription and monthly alimony
checks are included. This Barbie is only sold in Fashion Island.

Laguna Beach Barbie:
This doll comes complete with craft set. She has long straight brown
hair, archless feet, no makeup, and Birkenstocks with white socks. She
prefers that you call her “Willow.” She does not want or need a Ken
doll, but if you purchase two Laguna Beach Barbie’s, you get a rainbow
flag sticker free!

Long Beach Barbie:
This Barbie now comes with a stroller and infant doll. Optional
accessories include a GED and a bus pass. Gangsta Ken and his ’79 Caddy
were available, but are now very difficult to find since the addition of
an infant.

Huntington Beach Barbie:
This very tan Barbie comes with string bikini, wet suit, 3 friendship
bracelets and surfboard. An MP3 player, Blockbuster video membership,
pair of Vans and a beach cruiser are also included. Optional is her
Lifeguard Yellow Ford Ranger with board rack (free KROQ sticker
included!) Spicolli Ken can be purchased separately and comes with
Hawaiian shirt and board shorts.

Rancho Santa Margarita Barbie:
She’s perfect in every way. Her home is perfect. Her family is perfect.
Comes with a part time job to earn her own spending money and a bible
for church on Sundays. Also has a pre-assigned carpool day. We don’t
know who Ken is because he’s always away hunting or biking or
something…

Santa Ana Barbie:
This Spanish-speaking-only Barbie comes with a 1984 Toyota with expired
temporary plates and three baby Barbies in the back seat, but no car
seats. The optional Ken doll comes with a meat-packer’s uniform and is
missing three fingers on his left hand. Green cards are not available
for Santa Ana Barbie or Ken.

OUT OF TOWN BARBIES:

Fontana Barbie:
This pale model comes dressed in low rise Levi’s, a NASCAR shirt, and a
Tweety Bird tattoo on her shoulder. She has a six-pack of Coors Light
and a Hank Williams, Jr. CD set. She can spit over 5 feet and kick
mullet-haired Ken’s ass when she is drunk. A mobile home is also
available.

Norco Barbie:
This tobacco chewing, brassy-haired Barbie comes with her own horse and
dog!
Her ensemble includes pair of Wrangler jeans (2 sizes too small),
strawhat, fake rhinestone belt and belt buckle bought from the local
pawn shop.
Purchase her pickup truck separately and get a confederate flag bumper
sticker -absolutely free!

Hemet Barbie:
This aging Barbie is best kept indoors. She comes complete with wire
grocery stroller, Omni Trans bus pass, food stamps, coupon book and
sewing machine.
Optional mobile home comes with choice of colored rock and various
cactus varieties.

West Hollywood Barbie/Ken:
This versatile doll can be easily converted from Barbie to Ken by simply
adding or subtracting the multiple “snap-on” parts!

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4 thoughts on “OC Barbies

  1. You sure there isn’t a San Bernardino Barbie in there or maybe a Running Springs/Arrowbear Barbie.
    That was a great post Amanda!

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