Its just how it is

I am sitting in the airport after a great weekend with my family and friends. I am so tired!!

Kyle, Nikki, Daniel, Shawn and I spent the evening sitting on the porch and catching up. It’s so nice to have friends that even though you haven’t seen in a year…it feels like you have never been apart. I love that so much. It also makes me so sad they don’t live near by. I feel like since Jasen and I left so cal it’s been hard to duplicate those moments.

I feel like I have allowed myself to make excuses to not find good friends. I wish everyone could understand me the way they do…understand when I don’t call or think about hanging out. And love me anyway. I feel like now I’m in a place where it hopless for me to make those good friends. Like I have passed the point of growing deeper with people and now we will only stay as fringe friends…the ones you call friends but never spend time with. I’m tired of those. I know I need to work at it too…not always wait for someone to call. But I guess it still would be nice, you know? Does anyone know how I can do this? Do I need a personality transplant?

Any how…boo hoo. Even though I miss everyone…I don’t think I could go back to the constant driving!


2 thoughts on “Its just how it is

  1. I hear you Amanda. It was so great seeing you and getting to spend a little bit of time together. In my transition back into San Diego I’ve often felt like this. But I’m realizing it won’t serve me in any beneficial way. I’m seeing the effects of not having that close comunity in my walk with God, in my attitude towards people, and I don’t like it. For me, I want to be wanted and invited. I’m learning about my fear in being rejected and in being accepted. It definitely is a hard process…but I know it’s worth the effort. I know you guys didn’t just become my friends over night. It was being willing to be vulnerable and share with each other. I hope you continue to explore this. I’d love to come to Sac Town soon. I have like 5 weeks off in Dec./Jan. Maybe Nunn and I can spend some time with you then!?

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