when talking about winning these days seems to be the ticket, I can’t help but wish for losing.

fat that is.

as I am quasi-awake at 2:30 am feeding my baby, I decide to check my email. included in it is a series of pictures of me at a friend’s party on Saturday night.

all I can say is wow.


weight is a difficult reality. yes, I had a baby 7 weeks ago. but, it’s still challenging to look in the mirror and not recognize yourself, go into your closet and have nothing fit right, and have people tell you “how great you look” and be left wondering if they are lying to you.

yes, they’re lying to you.

this weekend I was pulling things out of my closet realizing there are things in there which will never fit again.

never again.

on Friday before the party, I went to go look for something to wear for our anniversary dinner. you know what I ended up with? a maternity dress. then, I wore it again on Saturday night.

a maternity dress. 7 weeks postpartum. actually, I wear maternity clothes everyday. because that’s what fits. I have known better than to try on my jeans. I pull on shirts, thinking that’s a safe bet, and I can’t get it over my giant melons.

it’s quite sad really.

did i mention that I don’t have anything that fits? and the last thing I want to do is go shopping. then there is school picture day this week.


no one really tells you about how to prepare yourself for the gumby-type body aftermath. yes, I knew weight gain was inevitable, I even welcomed it, but I wasn’t fully aware of what I would feel like. “if you breastfeed, the weight will just fall off” people say.

who are these people? where do they live? is their body providing magical milk? where can I get some?

it doesn’t help that I had just run a marathon before getting pregnant. and it also doesn’t help me to hear that you left the hospital in your skinny jeans, ten pounds lighter then when you came into the hospital.

unless you would like a swift kick to your baby maker. then you will be wishing you had some extra padding like me.

I don’t want it to be one of those posts about a girl complaining about her weight. (too late, right?) but this is my reality. I can embrace the fact that it took 9 months to put on the weight, it will take just as long, if not longer, to get rid of it. they worn you about no dieting or aggressive workouts in fear you will lose your milk supply. and I don’t think 5 minutes of skinny time is worth not being able to provide food for my baby.

so in the meantime. keep your cameras away from me. and pass the cake.

(I was going to show you the picture which sparked my annoying girl rant, but it’s gone. gone to a trash can far, far, far away. so, I will leave you with skinner times. 10.10.10. and a picture of my adorable baby who makes being a fatty mommy all worth it.)


7 thoughts on “losing

  1. You will never get your pre-baby body back, that’s true, but there will come a day when you will love your post baby body and will get to wear anything you want (vs what will cover you up) …. And then, you will get knocked up again 🙂 ahhhh, motherhood.

  2. I know how hard it is to lose weight, and I know where you are right now… Except for I got there all by myself and didn’t have a baby. That’s even more depressing! HA! One day at a time my friend…one day at a time.

  3. That was also a shock to me that no-one mentioned beforehand. I was also thankful that I had a little baby with me when I went places those first weeks so no-one would ask when I was due!! But the day WILL come when things fit better and feel better. Hang in there (and enjoy your cake!)

  4. JP will turn 2 in about 2 weeks. I’m STILL losing the maternity weight. I gained a total of 40 pounds, and I’ve got 3 more to lose before I get back to my pre-pregnancy weight. TWO years to lose it! Rrrgg. It is SO hard! I totally empathize. If I ever get pregnant again, I vow to not eat whatever the heck I want. Just be patient with yourself and make good choices. Don’t forget, the best nutrition you put in your body benefits not only you, but Hazel too!
    love you guys and love the pics of your baby girl,

  5. DUDE.
    don’t listen to those people.

    it took me a year to fit into my jeans again- why? why?! oh, because i had a baby whose head was 98th percentile, that’s why. and he almost didn’t make it due to the disparity between his tiny mother and his giant head.

    also, i lost a LOT of weight at delivery- all but 10 pounds when I left the hospital. And you know what? I ate healthy, per usual, but MY body seemed to freak out about losing the weight so quickly and actually put it back on, all by itself! We used to joke, “dude, i WILL feed you. no need to stock up- i promise, this is not your last meal, Body.” Alas, Body didn’t care- she was on high alert.

    and with belle i gained very little, and my body did the same thing. i was chubbier in my arms and upper body and hips than through my entire pregnancy, and we’re whole grain and veggie people. So, that’s just how some bodies work. i didn’t lose all my baby weight- or better stated- didn’t return to pre-baby until after i stopped nursing…at 13.5 and 16 months.

    belle is now almost 6, and guess what? i just learned that the reason i have a little pouch on my tummy is apparently because i might have the kind of hernia you get from a tiny tummy stretching out for a 98th percentil baby, and then those muscles never go back properly. rare? YUP. jsut now finding out? uh-huh (and we’re hoping that’s all it is- ultrasound thursday). But bodies change with babies, and our culture doesn’t want to celebrate that. if i have a little pouch on my tummy that has never stuck out at ALL in 35 years, save for pregnancy, and it’s because I have two amazing kids, I’m OKAY with that! It’s like a memory, as my grandmother would say whenever we stain her fabulous table cloths—memories marked for eternity here.

    LAstly, your rib cage actually grows to support lungs that grow for your extra oxygen flow during preggo. And for some people, we never go back that small again. That’s me. Tiny rib cage, never to be that small again. Hips- close, but not the same.

    Buck culture trends and tke care of your gorgeous baby.

    And I’m pretty sure that there’s not a baby I can birth that can make me as cool as you, so you’ve got that going for you- at any size-weight-shape. Seriously, girl. You were knit together by the God of the universe and celebrated around the clock- the rest is just american 21st century crap.

    much love-

  6. wow, I could have written this same post. I rotate the same 2 pairs of clothes, my baby is 3 months. When she was born I lost a ton of weight, in fact ended up weighing less than before I had her, then in the three months Ive been home have gained it back and then some. Kind of depressing. And funny, my baby sleeps soundly in her snuggabunny with the vacuum running as well. crazy.

  7. Oh girl I feel your pain! I’m 4 months out of having a baby and i’m still rocking maternity pants!!! It makes me so sad and mad. And all my friends lie to me too and say, You look great! Whatevs.
    2 weeks ago I decided to really watch my calories and it worked! I lost like 6lbs!!! But my milk got really low and my poor baby didn’t like that one bit. So i’m back to eating normal and just accepting that my body won’t be perfect for awhile and right now I just need to feed my little guy.
    I’ll just look fondly at my pre-baby jeans and then pull on my jeans with the forgiving tummy and sigh…
    Great blog! Glad I stopped by!

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